I realize it is a bit corny but do you really understand ‘why two wrongs don’t make a right?’
It is an important concept for business people to really understand. The number of times you will feel ‘wronged’ in business is countless—a supplier doesn’t deliver on time, you are over charged for a product or service, the quality of the product or service is sub-standard, a client doesn’t pay or refuses to pay you, a political decision doesn’t go your way, a client double crosses you, the media slam you and your interests, whatever.
Now when things don’t go well for you, I have said to my students that the first thing you should do is to look in the mirror—is there anything you can do or could have done to avoid this situation in the first place? The greatest threat to your success, in almost every case, is yourself and your own actions.
But what do you do when you feel that have been wronged?
We are all subject to the same basic impulses—you get mad, you want to get even and you want revenge.
But does this really serve your interest?
In most cases, the answer is no.
When I was a developer and a tenant did a midnight move, we almost never went after them. They probably moved out because they couldn’t afford to pay the rent and pursuing them in litigation might result in a judgment against them (perhaps two years and $30,000 in legal fees later) but so what? You have to enforce the judgment yourself and what are you likely to end up with—more frustration and less money than when you started out. Plus litigation involves a huge amount of negative energy. Both your time and energy are probably better spent doing productive things and, in my view, you will end up with more money not less by letting the tenant skate away…
Still, you might think about revenge but it should never go beyond the thinking stage. You can not and should not be criticized for thinking BAD thoughts. We all do. The difference between a good person and a bad person is not that a good person doesn’t think bad thoughts; it is that they don’t act on those impulses.
I have to laugh when the media hold politicians to account because some bad thoughts may have crossed their minds. Of course, that happens. Jimmy Carter nearly lost the Presidency because he admitted to Playboy Magazine (no less) that he had ‘lusted after a woman who was not his wife.’ Duh. Every man does that. But if you know anything about President Carter, you know that he never acted on those thoughts, never would have and was a faithful husband to his attractive, vivacious, bright and talented spouse, Rosalind, who he clearly adored and still does.
But I also want you to understand the legal underpinnings of this. When my son, Matthew was 15, he broke another boy’s favorite fishing rod. The boys had a huge quarrel over it with their friends piling in on both sides. Matt and Ryan started to get into a real war over it. Then one of Ryan’s friends broke into our home and stole Matt’s cell phone.
Their plan was to use the cell phone as a hostage—‘Buy me a new fishing rod or you’ll never see your phone again.’
It was at this point that the whole thing started to get out of control and I was forced to get involved. Now I believe in letting kids sort things out for themselves*. When parents pile in, they usually make a mess of things. The kids usually work it out anyway and they are soon best friends again. Not so the parents. Once they are involved, neighbours who may have gotten along well for years suddenly start hating each other and then, voila, you have a war on your block.
(* I went to an all boys school and one of the things we hated were ‘rats’. We never ratted each other out. In those days, our school was a place of rough justice—you defended yourself or you got picked on. I won some fights and lost others. One time, a school bully broke my nose and knocked me out. He was three years older than me. I hated his guts and still do. When I got home, I looked a mess and my mom asked me what happened. Kids in those days would never, ever rat out another kid even an a__hole like that guy. I just told her, I got beat up on the football field and she was satisfied with my explanation. I hate the fact that news organizations pay for information on celebrities, politicians, business people etc. I hate the fact that if you get mad at a neighbour, you can call an anonymous 1-800-rat-line and rat them out for breaking some minor by-law (like what happened to me when I put up a clothesline for my wife in our backyard when our five kids were little and she needed it for drying diapers.) I hate the fact that the IRS and CRA have rat lines and more than that I hate the people who rat out others. If I have a problem with a neighbour, I go over there and talk to them about it. Politely. Deferentially. Because I know if you get into a fight with your neighbour, one of you HAS to move. Your home is your sanctuary. If you can’t look your neighbour in the eye, you have lost that. BTW, that bully called me up 30 years later. Here’s how the conversation went: “Bruce, that building you are constructing next door. There is garbage blowing from your site onto my parking lot. I want you to come over and pick up the garbage right now.” “Sure, Bill (not his real name), I’ll be right over.” Yeah, right over after the next arrival of Halley’s Comet. I suppose once a bully always a bully. (I got a glimpse of Halley’s Comet the last time it came close to Earth’s orbit in 1986 from the rooftop of a Caribbean Hotel; we waited from 3 am to around 5 am for the sky to clear. Everyone gave up except me. My wife thought I was crazy! Finally, just before dawn, a small portion of the sky cleared of mist and of all the mighty heavens that could have cleared that small patch was in the perfect place—I saw the comet with its tail leading the comet out of the solar system. The tail follows the comet into the solar system and leads it out because solar winds, moving at close to the speed of light, emanate from Sol, our Sun. In any event, I will clean up Bill’s parking lot in either 2061 or 2062…))
But there is no way I am going to tolerate break and enter, theft and trespassing.
So I went to the neighbors and talked to Ryan’s friend (the one who kidnapped the phone). I told him he was going to give me that phone right away, IMMEDIATELY, no questions, no buts, just hand over the phone. He said: ‘No way’. I explained: ‘Look, either I get the phone right now or we are going to call the police and let them decide this matter. You have broken into our home and stolen a phone—both are criminal acts. The fact that Matt accidentally or intentionally broke Ryan’s fishing rod is a separate issue and we are going to deal with that as soon as you hand me that phone. Clearly, if he did that, Matt owes Ryan a new rod but that in no way allows you to break into my home.’
The kid had the good sense to return the phone and Matt later had to buy Ryan a new rod and they are ALL pals now. (It is four years later and I’ll bet they have forgotten the incident but not the lesson. I can be quite scary when pressed.)
Now when I was a developer, I ran into a lot of NIMBY behaviour. I had people who opposed projects for all kinds of reasons and sometimes for no reason at all:
1. I practice my golf swing on your property and I don’t want to see it developed.
2. I walk my dog on your property and I don’t want to see it developed.
3. Your building will create an unacceptable sun shadow (this from a lady who lived more than two kilometres away).
4. The Carp River (really a creek with a draft not even deep enough in places for a canoe let alone a Canadian Coast Guard vessel) is a navigable waterway and you can’t put a bridge across it.
5. I don’t want you to develop your property because I don’t want you to (this ‘A ROSE IS A ROSE’ argument was from a neighbour who showed up drunk at a planning hearing in front of the OMB, Ontario Municipal Board).
There are more than nine million NIMBY stories out there; these are just some of them. But it used to infuriate me. So sometimes I dreamed about the Wild West—let’s just round up some cowboys, get on our horses and go over there and hang these people from the tallest tree.
But just because you think it, doesn’t mean you would ever do such a crazy thing. And if you were ever stupid enough to do something like this, you would be breaking the law, imperiling your immortal soul and you would be punished, rightly so.
No, the best strategy is to deal with a wrong on its own merits—win the OMB Hearing or sue in small claims court for a new fishing rod. When you come to a court (I am not just talking about courts of law but also the court of human justice which, in my view transcends our courts of law), you will come there with ‘clean hands’ (this is a legal term but has great meaning in another jurisdiction).
Clean hands means that you did not commit a crime in trying to resolve another one. You showed patience and restraint, two virtues that are essential in terms of running a successful enterprise. You will win far more often if you deal with your enemies this way.
Dr. Bruce
Post Script: OJ Simpson is headed to jail for a very long time in Nevada for apparently not knowing this basic principle upon which our western civilization is based. He broke into a hotel room with a friend, both of them armed, to steal back items that had been stolen from him, or so he claimed at his Los Vegas trial. Simpson probably felt he could do anything after his acquittal 14 years ago in the slaying of his estranged wife, Nicole, and her friend Ron Goldman. But he does serve as a model for what NOT to do when you are, or you believe you are, wronged.
Post Script: I recently had a chance to chat with a friend of mine who is owed a ton of money by his financial planner (FP). This guy, Bill (not his real name) got Pierre (also not his real name) to invest in his hardware business. Now this is a clear conflict of interest. His FP is supposed to give him impartial and professional advice on where to put his retirement funds. Instead, Bill got Pierre to invest $75,000 in Bill’s tech company. Bill promised to repay the funds but so far, only about half has been returned. Frustrated, Pierre asked me for advice. In most cases, litigation is not the answer and probably isn’t here either. Try to work it out with Bill is what I told him to do. However, another thing I did tell Pierre is that he can NOT threaten Bill; he can not say: “If you don’t give me my money back, I will call the OSC (Ontario Securities Commission) or IDA (Independent Dealers Association) and file a complaint. I will ruin you!”
Certainly, Pierre is well within his rights to launch a complaint but you can not hold this or, say, a possible Police complaint over someone’s head. If you do that, you are now in the wrong too.